


make it good

by Anonymous



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Body Worship, First Time, M/M, Mark is whipped, Mutual Masturbation, Out of Character, Rimming, UST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-07-29 01:49:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20074138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: mark, to his horror, falls in love with donghyuck, but makes a big, big mistake





	1. Chapter 1

it started long ago. it started when they first met, one being twelve, the other being thirteen. it started with quiet ‘hello-s’ and ‘nice to meet you-s’ and shy looks, mutually shooted to each other. it started with practice hours, which gradually grew from several to infinite, with shared road to the dorms and shared meals.

it continued with infectious laughter and endless jokes. it continued with secrets and feelings, told only to each other while lying together and whispering, when the dark of nights hid the blush on the cheeks. it continued with tight bonds connecting all their existence, with impossibility to imagine the life without each other, with i and you becoming us.

that’s why, mark reasons, it’s quite explainable, logical and (as he tries to convince himself) natural, that one day he finds himself staring at donghyuck and feeling something warm and tingling creeping down his stomach. and of course, as anybody would do at such a discovery, he brushes the feeling away and forgets about it. till the next time. and the next one. and another next one. finally there are so many ‘next times’ that it becomes impossible to bear any longer.

the problem is, mark hates it. correction: mark hates _himself_ for being like that. he hates to be obedient and give in to a pleading look and a pout when they are tired of practising, but mark wants to practise more, failing every fucking time - he can't resist donghyuck’s plump lips and puppy eyes. he despises himself for every long look which he unconsciously gives donghyuck when he’s eating, talking to somebody, just being around and dragging mark’s eyes to him just because he exists. and surely mark detests himself for almost having an eargasm whenever he hears sweet and clean donghyuck’s voice, whether it’s one of their songs or just chiming laughter which sounds like glass bells; it could light up the life of the most miserable person in the world, but mark must be totally deprived and cursed, because this sound makes him endure tortures, comparing to which hell is a tropical island.

but most of all he hates himself to the core, to the furthest corners of his rotting soul, for the times when he lays his eyes on donghyuck’s body and can never take them off. he looks at his neck, when they are having a vocal lesson, and sees every vein on it as donghyuck hits a high note. he looks at his back (and a bit lower) while practising, and if he does make a mistake in the dance, it’s because of it. he looks at donghyuck’s slender smooth legs of the most incredible skin tone when the latter comes into the kitchen in the morning, wearing just boxers and a t-shirt. and mark wants to touch. donghyuck's neck, his back, his legs, all over donghyuck’s body, with his hands and lips and tongue and his own skin - he wants to touch him so badly. sometimes he thinks that he could die if he doesn't touch him right now - but he survives. mark can’t already count how many times he experienced this little deaths, and every time he thinks the next one will be the actual one.

it’s a real challenge, and mark considers it to be in top three toughest ones, to keep his sanity and not touch donghyuck. it is especially tough for mark because he is honest, sincere, and he can't possibly hide things from anybody, especially donghyuck. and donghyuck, being clingy, doesn't make it any easier, because he touches mark when mark so desperately wants to touch _him_, and he doesn't know what he's done to deserve this punishment. but mark tries and chooses the simplest strategy that comes to his exhausted mind, which is to shove donghyuck away (with a joke or a chuckle not to make donghyuck suspicious or upset), whenever he tries to show his affection, and it could have actually helped if donghyuck wasn't so determined, so every time mark dodges his touch, his determination to bother mark grows in geometrical progression, just to tease him and see panicked and stressed mark. maybe even diss him a bit after it and say that he’s not interested in mark (and it actually hurts, but mark knows: he had it coming). 

nothing seems to change since that small discovery of his, at least in their relationships. of course they naturally develop as any friendship, the connection between them growing tighter with every solved problem, with every solved argument, and with every sad and happy moment, which they always experience together. but what changes is mark’s _fantasies_ whenever he is in the toilet, in the shower or lying in bed. in order to relieve himself he used to picture an abstract girl with no face, just long hair, slim body and spread legs. he would jerk off mostly paying attention to the sensation of his grip on his cock than picturing something, but god, it _has_ changed. 

the first time mark tried to picture donghyuck while masturbating was intentional and fully conscious. if he gets to be judged for it in front of god he will take all the responsibility for these thoughts and actions which they led to. he was having shower, the last one in turn, and as usual his intention was to enjoy some moments of relaxation at the end of a hard working day. his thoughts trailed to their everyday practise, to the new dance and, of course, to donghyuck who learned it quicker than the rest. and his thoughts of donghyuck never end just like this, they always end with some dirty and forbidden desires, and this time was no exception. mark stroked his stomach all the way down to his cock, picturing donghyuck’s face, recalling his voice, and before he noticed he was already moving his fist on his cock in crazy pace while whispering _“donghyuck donghyuck donghyuck”._ he came hard and fast, although he didn't dare to imagine more than donghyucks tanned smooth legs and soft, pretty features. that time. and there were so many times ahead if him, that he gradually plunged into his fantasies without even trying to resist them.

first he imagined donghyuck, beautiful and sweet donghyuck, and that was enough. then he imagined touching and kissing him, innocently or not. then he imagined naked, whining donghyuck under his own body, with hair being a mess and legs being wrapped around his waist, while he was fucking him rough, pinning him to the mattress, kissing his neck and touching every sentimeter of his godlike skin, till donghyuck cums, endlessly repeating mark’s name, holding him close to his chest, and kissing him with the love which can only be compared to mark’s. yes, mark loves him in every best, worst, and possible way in the world. and maybe this was the hardest to admit, even harder than his desire to see donghyuck choking on his dick.

but it couldn't continue endlessly, and a day came when mark overstepped. he overstepped and he knows it. he knows it because donghyuck won't look at him, won’t tease and diss him, wont even sit next to him, but there is no one else to blame but mark. he should have kept it in his pants instead of shoving donghyuck off, and he is the one to blame for that breach in their relationship. he saw that it really hurt donghyuck, and there might appear a bruise on his hip after mark had pushed him away, but mark was so, so scared of his touch that it was the only escape route he came up with. and now he has to, he needs to find another one - back to donghyuck’s life and heart.

surely they interact, but more like colleagues than (former) best friends, and now the one who’s hurt is mark. sometimes he shoots donghyuck pleading looks, but not too many, otherwise someone else can notice, - but donghyuck definitely ignores them and, as mark assumes, is not going to any time soon. sometimes it just happens that occasionally they have to share the same space, much to marks anxiety and a bit of quiet joy, when they ride home after another recording, and they happen to sit together because the rest of the seats are taken by the hyungs. or when they are in the dorms, having supper with everybody, the atmosphere being cosy and family-like for all the members except mark, who feels his limbs getting cold because of donghyuck’s indifference. they are preparing for a big promotion and nobody has time or strength to care about them having a silent argument, and mark figures it’s for the best: he couldn’t find it in him to discuss all of this with anybody, mostly of fear that he’ll spill the ugly and dirty truth, tired of keeping it a secret. only taeyong has once or twice approached him, with a worrying expression cracking his beautiful face, and asked, but mark managed to convince him it was nothing to be curious or nervous about: he promised to perform his duties no matter what. he knew taeyong meant different, but mark made it clear that he wasn't going to have this conversation, and the leader understood, as understanding is one of a qualities a good leader should always possess.

but when they are touring in japan mark finds to his dread that he is roommating with donghyuck, and not johnny or jungwoo as he usually did. well, taeyong is a good leader and he clearly makes his point: make it up. there is no sense in arguing and asking to change the rooms with someone, - with their schedule when they barely have time to breathe, long discussion about why he can't roommate with donghyuck are out of the question. 

although he doesn't know how donghyuck feels about them being together in one room, after him ignoring mark for days, he can tell by his indifferent expression, which he could already have got used to, that the youngest doesn't give a fuck. mark wonders if he doesn't give a fuck about mark’s existence in general, and shivers at a thought. nothing can be worse than indifference. he could stand hate, he could stand his anger, but indifference is the opposite of love, and he can't stand being opposite of donghyuck.

the show has just ended, and they are heading back to the hotel, tired but excited, as they always are after performances. together with this mark feels complete: performing always makes him feel complete, as if he doesn't need anybody and anything, except for being on stage and performing as if it was the last time in his life. he traces his glance to donghyuck, who’s settled his head on taeil’s shoulder and was now smiling ever so joyfully, and mark’s feeling of completeness suddenly becomes irrelevant, giving way to emptiness and devastation. 

donghyuck is near him, within his arm’s reach, he’s not with him, and it makes mark’s insides twist. he feels as if he’s built a beautiful sunny city, and now it’s ruined in a blink of an eye, just remains of the wrecked buildings remind of its beauty and wealth.

donghyuck comes first into their room after a celebration lunch with members and managers, and mark follows him in, meek and modest. they haven't spoken a word to each other for the whole evening after the performance, that’s why mark jumps with surprise when donghyuck addresses him in a level voice.

“do you wanna go shower? or i’ll go first.”

it takes mark several seconds under donghyuck’s awaiting look to put himself together.

“oh, n-no, no. you go first”, he answers stuttering. donghyuck silently takes off his sweater and tosses it on the bed, leaving just a t-shirt and jeans on, takes a towel from the wardrobe and heads to the bathroom.

only after hearing donghyuck switch on the water, mark takes a seat on a bed, which is the only place for sleeping in the room, and realized that he has to share a bed with donghyuck. a bed. with donghyuck. tonight. and it wouldn’t be strange or awkward for them cause they spent so many nights sleeping in one bed, talking till pale-coloured dawn painted gloomy dark sky in bright pink and orange, if they were on good terms. but they weren’t. and surely it wouldn't be strange or awkward if mark didn't develop those strange and awkward feelings for donghyuck in the first place. but he did, and now it’s hella terrifying, and agitating, and just a tiny bit exciting. 

mark ruffles his hair in anxiety and closes his face with his hand. why, _why_ he is like that, why can't he just shove away his feelings instead of shoving off donghyuck. and now, when he gets it that they will share a bed, and they will inevitably touch each other accidentally, and he will have donghyuck just right by his side, and now donghyuck is in the shower, naked and wet, and _god_ mark feels he’s not gonna make it till evening, he’ll get crazy. he pulls his hands away from his face, looks around the room absentmindedly and his gaze lands on donghyuck’s sweater, which is idly lying at the edge of the bed, just on the left from him. without a particular thought mark takes it in his hands, slowly and cautiously. he stares at it for a fair second, and the next thing he knows is that he buries his face in the warm, worn fabric and breathes, breathes in the smell of donghyuck’s sweat mixed with perfume, and it seems to him that he learned how to breathe just now, when he feels donghyuck with this primal perception. 

the smell makes him feel cosy and happy, and horny at the same time. he swears in a low voice, feeling his dick getting harder with every breath he takes. a mischievous thought about fast jerking-off crosses his mind as donghyuck is infamous for taking shower no less than for forty minutes, and mark will need only ten at maximum to get things done, taking into account the fact that he’s already rock hard. mark can’t resist the desire to wrap his hands around his cock, and the fact that donghyuck is literally in the same room makes him even more aroused. it really won't take long. he reaches his hand and slowly starts stroking himself through his gray sweatpants, the other hand pressing donghyuck’s sweater to his nose. he rubs his cock through the soft fabric and moans softly, imagining his beautiful, precious donghyuck taking shower while he’s going to get off. he breathes and strokes his cock in one pace, which slowly quickens, and mark shuts his eyes.

“donghyuck, donghyuck, -ah-, donghyuck…” he repeats over and over again, stroking himself, slowly sinking into sensual oblivion, wrapped in the intoxicating scent.

“ ...want someth…ing”

mark freezes, his hand stops moving, and he slowly pulls the sweater away from his face. he looks up and sees bewildered donghyuck staying in front of him near the bathroom door, eyes wide in disbelief and confusion. mark tosses the sweater on the floor as if it was a poisonous snake and hastily gets on his feet. the air seems to be stuck in his lungs, and he can’t spit it out, his face going hot and cold every second, and at the back of his mind he’s so, so glad that the sweatpants are loose, and donghyuck can’t see his hard dick pressing into his underwear. 

“what the fuck are you doing?” donghyuck seems not to bother himself with using honorific language, but it’s the least mark should give a damn right now. he holds his hands up in conciliatory gesture and makes a step to donghyuck, who is standing in front of him in a mere towel around his waist: he must have as usually forgotten to take the clothes to change into, and mark doesn't miss this.

“donghyuck-a, it’s not… i-i…”  
mark stutters, wanting to say ‘i can explain’ but then he understands that it might be just a bold statement. especially if donghyuck doesn't want to listen, he’s already taken a step back and mark cant read his face. is it fear? or disgust? or both? but it’s good that donghyuck doesn't shout for help because there’s a sex maniac in his room. mark takes a deep breath before he says, “will you listen to me if i explain?”

donghyuck still watches him with wide eyes and a bit scrunched nose, but he nods, slowly, and his expression gradually sets to an indifferent one.  
mark puts his hands down, which he was holding out all this time, takes another sharp inhale with an open mouth and starts his impromptu speech, hoping that he won't make things worse than it already is.

“what you’ve seen… it’s…”, god, it’s way more difficult than he thought. “i want you. i want you, donghyuck-a. i know that we’re… friends, and i know it’s wrong, and disgusting, but i can't help it, i want you so much. when you’re near me i can't take my eyes of you, i can't even breathe cause i want to touch you, i want to get myself all over you, i wanna kiss your beautiful legs, _god you drive me crazy with these legs_, i can't even look at them cause i get horny instantly.” 

mark shuts his eyes and shakes his head trying to get rid of the sinful image, and when he opens his eyes donghyuck is still watching him, seemingly calm. mark feels like he is going to collapse at any moment but he takes a step forward, closer, - and donghyuck stays still. mark takes another one, and another one, when he’s finally so close to donghyuck he can smell the shower gel from his skin. it almost hurts that donghyuck does not react or doesn’t show his reaction, but mark has gone too deep to stop now. he closes his eyes for a couple of seconds, takes a slow breath and continues almost in a whisper.

“i want to fuck you so bad, donghyuck-a. i feel like an animal, and i hate myself, but no matter how i try i can't beat it inside of me. i always fantasize how i fuck you hard, and you moan loudly. or how i kiss you all over your body in the places where i know nobody touched you. i wanna bend you over and eat you out, and yesterday i jerked off imagining that i’m sucking your cock, and i came so hard i thought i’d lose my mind. maybe i did.”

he stops, having said the last words lowering his eyes to the floor. donghyuck stays still in front of him, his hands are hang relaxingly on both sides. mark raises his gaze, slowly trailing it up half-naked donghyuck’s body and sets it looking him straight in the eyes. he tries not to frown, but it’s impossible when he whispers,  
“i want you so bad.”

donghyuck seems mesmerized. he looks back at him, but doesn't say a word, even his face is set on the same expression. mark knows that he lost it. he cant put into words what exactly: it might be donghyuck, their friendship, remains of his shame, or maybe all together, but he feels a certain tingling somewhere beneath his ribs which he can identify only as a loss. there’s nothing more to lose for him, so he takes the final step and asks barely moving his lips,

“may i?”


	2. Chapter 2

“yes, you may.”

only when donghyuck says that, without breaking the eye contact, mark realizes _what the hell_ he has just said. panic rushes through his body like a cold stream, and he suddenly can’t feel his legs. belatedly and to his horror, he realizes that donghyuck actually _agreed_, maybe with no obvious enthusiasm, but still, and another stream, this time hot, runs through his veins and colours his cheeks in bright red. his mouth goes dry like a desert under a scorching sun, and his whole body shivers. he unsuccessfully tries to swallow, looks donghyuck straight in the eyes and reaches both his hands towards him. 

he starts with his head, lays his hands on wet hair and runs fingers through it, exposing donghyuck’s forehead - mark loves it, when he has a hairstyle like that. he moves his hands to donghyuck’s face, traces his thumbs on his eyebrows, and when donghyuck closes his eyes, he delicately touches his eyelids with his index and middle fingers, feeling donghyuck’s eyes move a little underneath his touch. mark ghosts his fingers over his cheeks, moving down to his lips, pressing a feather touch to them and gasping, when donghyuck opens his mouth a bit, and mark can swear he would be happy to give everything he has just to feel these lips with his own.

after stroking his chin, mark moves on to his neck, putting his palms on a silky skin and closing his eyes for moment, trying not to drown in the feeling of it. he strokes the neck, the shoulders and the arms of donghyuck, resisting the urge to cry of happiness, fear and lust, and the mix of these feelings makes him want to die - or to want more. he lays his hand on donghyuck’s chest then, slowly thumbs the collarbones, presses his fingers into the flesh slightly and moves them lower, where he can feel donghyuck’s heartbeat, and donghyuck seems to be wary about it cause his eyes go a bit wider. mark presses a bit more and feels the frantic thuds under his palms, and he wishes he could know what’s the reason of it, but he is afraid to break the moment by opening his mouth. he just hopes it’s because donghyuck’s nervous, and secretly hopes that donghyuck also likes it. 

mark continues to study donghyuck’s body with his hands and strokes past his nipples. he wants to pay them more attention and do something, that can supposedly feel nice for donghyuck: maybe to stroke them gently and then pull a bit, catch them between his fingers and twist gently, but what if donghyuck doesn't like it, and his nipples are hard because he is cold after shower, or because he isn't used to this kind of touch? mark licks his lips hastily and moves his hands down, feeling the ribs under his fingers, and he suppresses the desire to scratch them with his nails, so he could see the red stripes decorating the tanned skin. 

he weakens the pressure of his hands and circles around donghyuck’s navel just with fingertips to see his abdomen pull in, cause donghyuck has always been ticklish, and when mark finally reaches the waist, his breath hitches. he’s definitely doing it, he doesn’t even consider another option, but he feels as if he’s performing some sacrament, frightening and delightful in its depth, and he wants to make donghyuck feel good, so he’ll feel it, like it, and ask for _more_.

he raises his gaze and meets donghyuck’s a bit widened eyes, noticing, that his breath is silent but not so steady. he touches the edge of towel and slowly unties it with both hands, keeping his stare, before throwing it aside. it seems donghyuck can’t bear his look, or what is hidden there even from mark himself, and shuts his eyes, frowning and gritting his teeth as he blushes. it puts mark on alert, because it can definitely be a sign if anger, but when he lowers his gaze he sees the reason: donghyuck’s cock is half-hard, and mark feels a shiver in all his body: so he is not the one enjoying it after all. 

an ocean of delight suddenly washes over him, but he can't let himself smile, so he just breathes out slowly and puts his hand where donghyuck’s pelvic bones poke out. his grip is firmer and more confident then his previous touches, but he still feels afraid in the corner of his consciousness, because of what he's going to do next. his mind slowly goes blank as he looks over donghyuck’s lower body, and the next second he kneels down, gently wraps his arms around donghyuck and presses his cheeks on a warm and velvet-like thigh. he rubs his cheek on the skin a bit, like an affectionate cat, runs his nose, filling his lungs with the clear scent of the skin, then raises his eyes and sees donghyuck watching him from above with something like a hardly noticeable tug on his lips, reminding a degrading smirk. and even if it was it, mark would not even think to complain or revolt, - not to piss off his universe when it is so condescending to him. 

he unwraps his arms and starts pressing butterfly kisses to donghyuck’s thighs, feeling a small trembling under his lips, when he reaches close to the inside part and sees that donghyuck definitely enjoys it. he kisses right and left thigh randomly and leisurely, then goes a bit lower to donghyuck’s knees, licks a bit on the skin, caresses the back part and then goes up again.

only today's morning he dreamt about it, about touching and kissing donghyuck’s legs and he would burst into hysterical laughter if someone told him that he actually will have the privilege to fulfil his forbidden dream in the evening of the very same day.

but here he is, standing on the rough carpet of a hotel room, rubbing his knees over it, while tasting the skin of which he thinks every night before going to sleep. 

mark stops his movements tracing his look to donghyuck’s now hard cock, raises his eyes to see his chest heaving erratically and his cheeks being red like flowers of poppy. he reaches his right hand to donghyuck’s cock and wraps his fingers around it. donghyuck’s breath hitches and his cock twitches a bit in mark’s grip. mark strokes it a couple of times, not breaking the eye contact and seeing donghyuck take a breath noisily.

the sound of it reminds him of the sound of wind, that used to blow in the church, back there in canada, where mark went together with parents as a child. he feels awe filling him to the core, resembling the feeling he had while standing and praying, thinking he was standing in the face if god. and now he is standing, although also on his knees, but in front of donghyuck, ready and eager to suck him off. 

he sets his hand on the base of donghyuck’s cock, pauses for a moment, feeling like his mouth waters, lowers his eyes and carefully licks the tip. it seems that donghyuck couldn't breathe out before this his movement, and when he manages, his breath comes out ragged and sharp. mark definitely feels that donghyuck is not as calm as he wants to appear, and it gives him confidence, taking into account that the permission he’s already got. 

he whirls his tongue around the head, stroking the cock on its base, and takes half of it between his lips. the shiver that runs on donghyuck’s skin is the best reward for him, his trophy, and he gently rubs his palms up and down his thighs, comforting and sharing his heat through his hands. mark bobs his head severely but not daring to take the cock completely and just lets it slide against the inside of his cheek, tightening his lips. he can hear donghyuck breathing heavily, but not a moan comes of his mouth. and mark definitely wants to hear them. 

so he takes a breath, sets his palms on donghyuck’s ass cheeks, squeezing a bit, shuts his eyes and, breathing out through his nose, accepts the cock on the full length till the very throat. his nose presses in donghyuk’s smooth belly, he feels he’s going to chole, but he tastes the precome leacking out of donghyuk’s cock, and he’ so aroused by the fact that he can give pleasure to his boy, that everything else seems pointless. he repeats his maneuver several times, trying not to choke in the process, and the sound that his throat makes whenever the tip hits his back is so _obscene_ and _dirty_, and mark just loves it.

mark speeds up, squeezing donghyuk’s ass every now and again, and when he manages to swallow his cock especially deep, he finally hears a soft yet precious and endearing moan. he feels donghyuk muscles tense under his palms, so he lets his cock out, reaches to his hands and puts them on his shoulders for donghyuk to keep balance. as soon as he gets back to work, his shoulders get abused by a tight grip, and he thinks it to be a good sign. he swirls his tongue around the cock while moving his head faster and faster, then takes donghyuck’s balls in his left hand and start playing with them.

the moans donghyuck is emitting now are more loud, but still a bit reserved, his breath quickens together with mark’s movements, and when his nails dig in mark’s shoulders, mark knows that the boy is close. he is excited by the very thought of donghyuk coming in his mouth, he wants to taste him even if it’s gross, he wants to sip donghyuck’s pleasure especially since he is a reason of it. he moves his head now almost violently, pressing his lips as tightly as he can, and when a hot stream of cum hits the back of his throat, he hears a loud moan slipping out of donghyuck’s mouth, and a mixture of feeling, taste and sound makes him cum in his pants without a single touch - he even forgot he was aroused. 

donghyuck shakes a bit in mark’s hold, his legs give away, as mark sucks on him in the post orgasm. he delicately lets the cock out of his mouth, circles his tongue inside the mouth and swallows, looking up. donghyuck’s panting, his eyes closed and the head tilted back a bit. mark could stare at this sight forever, but his knees hurt, so he gets up, hearing a crunch and feeling uncomfortably wet and sticky in his pants.

as he meets donghyuck’s foggy gaze, he thinks that maybe he should come up with what to say, but his mind is clouded, and the only desire is floating there which is to kiss donghyuk, and be kissed back, thankfully and persistently.

he’s about to lean forward, but donghyuk suddenly turns round and heads to the bed. he lies down, leaning on his elbows and looks at mark somehow defiantly. mark is lost, confused and mostly terrified, because he didn't expect that (frankly speaking, he does not clearly understand what he expected), and all his confidence suddenly is drawn out of his body, his limbs getting heavy and weird.

when he hears donghyuk voice, it sounds as if there was a wall of cotton wool between them.

“what are you waiting for? didn’t you say you wanna fuck me?” donghyuk asks, - and spreads his legs in a silent invitation.


	3. Chapter 3

maybe because of his post-orgasm state, maybe because he clearly lost his mind for tonight, or for any other god damn reason, but mark can’t comprehend the words which came out of donghyuck’s mouth. it seems to him that the time has stopped its rush, and he can literally feel his thoughts. _did donghyuck really said that? maybe i overheard? but look, he’s lying on the bed. should i say smth? should i come closer?_

and of course these thoughts run through his mind in a blink of an eye, but donghyuck seems to stare at him impatiently. 

he can’t make his boy wait, can he.

so he tugs his t -shirt over his head and tosses it away, then takes off the sweatpants and the underwear, feeling relieved of sticky feeling of his own cum, and hastily manages with socks. he’s hard again, and he should be embarrassed, but he can only see a beautiful body on the white sheets, and all the thoughts are turned to ash as he sees donghyuck’s scorching look, that burns him and resurrects him at the same time. 

mark comes closer to the footboard of the bed, and donghyuck raises an eyebrow as if asking if he’s going to get down to business or not, after which mark hastily climbs on the bed between donghyuck’s legs and leans over him. donghyuck is now spread on the sheets, looking mark straight in the eye, and mark could swear his life that he is flustered. mark is hella flustered too, he is afraid even to think that they are naked now, skin to skin, body to body, so he rejects all the thoughts and lets desire control him, the desire, that was hidden in him like in pandora’s box.

his first urge is to attack donghyuck with his teeth and hands, to take him raw and rough, till he sees exploding stars under his eyelids, but he can't do it to his donghyuck, not now and not until he’s sure donghyuck also wants it. instead, he chooses to lean closer to donghyuck to kiss him, and he wants this kiss to be sweet and pure, as his feelings towards him, but in the last moment donghyuck tilts his head to the side, so mark’s lips land on the corner of his mouth.

he pulls away a bit to search for some signs of disgust or fear on donghyuck’s face, but finds nothing except for calm expression with closed eyes. so he leans in again and kisses his jawline, his cheek, trails his lips up to the ear. he shortly licks underneath, then takes an earlap in his mouth, sucking on it, moves to the earlobe, licking over it and biting just a bit. donghyuck’s skin is sweet and salty at the same time, and mark wants to hug him close to his chest and eat him alive, even if it sounds savage.

“stop it”, mark hears a ragged breathy voice, and immediately looks at donghyuck, frowning. 

“you don’t like it?” he asks worryingly, feeling panic creeping at the back of his head. 

“that’s not the point”, the reply comes, and donghyuck looks aside, his breath unsteady as he purses his lips.

mark decides not to ask further, too afraid of hearing the answer, - he is actually afraid of anything donghyuck could say now because it can be a rejection, and mark’s not sure if he can accept it. 

he complies and moves to donghyuck’s neck, barely touching it with his kisses, not so wet, almost innocent, and the shiver on donghyuck’s skin makes him want to kiss him even more purely, without a single dirty thought. he kisses all donghyuck’s moles endearingly, ready to worship each of them with his lips, goes down to his collarbones and chest, kissing and sucking just a bit, not to leave any marks, because he wants to show donghyuck that he treasures him, wants to show all his tenderness that threatens to break his ribcage every time he looks at him. 

mark caresses donghyuck’s torso with his palms from the waist to the shoulders, feeling muscles under his touch tense and relax a moment later, as if he gained some trust after being suspected. he strokes donghyuck delicately with both hands while kissing his way down to his abdomen, and he sees that donghyuck is also hard again. he leans lower and licks a wide stripe from the base to the tip of donghyuck’s cock, leaving a small kiss on the head, and feels donghyuck shiver a bit and thrust his hips up lightly, as if by reflex. mark's cock twitches, and he finally brings himself to start a real action. 

he definitely needs something for stretching donghyuck, and it’s better be some lube, and not a hand cream from a bed nightstand. so he reaches up to donghyuck, lands a short kiss on his cheek, muttering ‘i ll be right back’ and sprints to his backpack to grab a bottle which he uses for jerking off, fishes it out hastily and almost jumps back on the bed. and donghyuck hasn’t moved an inch, as if frozen by the thought of what’s coming.

mark grabs one of pillows which is settled by the headboard and says in a bit shaky voice,

“lift your hips and bend your legs in the knees a little, please”.

donghyuck closes his eyes but does as he’s told, and mark carefully sets a pillow under him, stroking his angled legs up and down. he leans back a bit, appreciating the sight of donghyuck lying exposed in front of him, and he feels a familiar sting in his nose together with a heavy feeling of lust in his abdomen. the list of his rutty desires of what he would do to donghyuck if it was his dream runs through his mind, making him even more aroused. 

he would lean over and put his tongue in between of donghyuck’s asschecks, lick there and tease him till donghyuck’s a whiny horny mess. or he would suck him off while fucking into his hole with his four fingers, fast and mercilessly. or he would scissor him wide open, sucking on his hole with his lips until donghyuck starts begging to change his fingers to his cock, and mark, of course, would gladly comply with the request. mark fantasizes about this every night before he goes to bed, and now, being with donghyuck, flustered, aroused, heavily breathing, exposed only for him, it feels even more unreal than his fantasies. 

mark feels his mind betraying him as he tries to cling to only one though 'don’t push too far'. he grabs lube with his shaking hands, squeezes a handful and coats his fingers with it before leaning to donghyuck, who is now watching him scaredly, and pressing a kiss to his temple.

“it’s gonna hurt a bit”.

after donghyuck’s short nod he cautiously pushes one finger inside, feeling tight muscles sucking it in, and moves it a bit up and down and from left to right. 

“wow, it’s so tight”, he whispers under his breath, and starts moving his finger inside out. 

when he adds a second one, donghyuck whines softly, and mark starts kissing and biting on the thin skin between his thigh and his waist in a poor attempt to comfort donghyuck, but he knows it’s too little to ease the pain. he tries to stretch donghyuck’s insides as gently as he can, but it’s so difficult to restrain himself, for the velvet sensation on his fingertips is so soft and arousing, and when he imagines donghyuck’s hole being wrapped around his cock, he had to bite his lip till it’s painful enough not to hammer his cock in donhyuck right away. he knows that a single 'don’t' would be enough for him to stop, so he must make sure not to hear that, because he might not have enough self-control to do it. 

so he reaches his hand to grab donghyuck’s cock and starts stroking it slowly together with shallow movement of his fingers. donghyuck gasps and moves his hips up, arching his back a bit, and when mark adds the third finger, he shuts his eyes and bites his shout forming in the back of his throat. no matter how much mark wants to hear his angelic moans, they can’t be too loud, so he tightens his grip around donghyuck’s cock and strokes faster, while stretching his hole wide. it’s so tight, hot and soft, much better than in his fantasies. he stretches donghyuck for a few more minutes, kissing him on his chest and neck, and when he finally pulls his fingers out, the slick sound makes him want to wail in anticipation.

when mark pulls away of him, donghyuck’s face expresses worry, his breath is unsteady and legs shaking a bit. mark squeezes some more lube on his palm, smears on his cock and positions himself comfortably between donghyuck’s spread legs. he guides his cock into donghyuck’s hole, and when he carefully pushes forward and feels tight walls wrapping him, he shuts his eyes and tilts his head back, feeling the biggest pleasure in his life. it seems to him that his blood turned one hundred degrees and now is boiling him from the inside. as he overcomes the first wave of pleasure in some seconds he pushes a bit further but not to the end.

the boy underneath him is completely tensed, holding his breath with a half-opened mouth, his hair stuck to his forehead and he shuts his eyes every two seconds, and he is so, so-

"beautiful, donghyuck, you’re so beautiful..."

mark leans over to kiss him, simultaneously pushing further, but lands his lips on his jawline and temple, cause donghyuck tilts his head to the side and bites his hand, tightening his hole as if to prevent mark from moving. 

“fuck”, mark swears in english, whispering it in donghyuck’s ear, “you’re so tight”, he strokes donghyuck’s torso with wide comforting moves of his palm. “relax, come on”.

donghyuck releases a breath and breathes in deep, his body becoming soft a bit, and mark enters him to the base of his cock. he pauses for a moment, concentrating on his perceptions: the feeling of tight heat, the sound of breathing, the tenderness of donghyuck’s thighs under his palms, - and he sinks down, deep and without a chance to get back. he looks over the body spread under him, and makes the first thrust almost absent-mindedly, lost in his delight. he notices though the way donghyck flinched, so he pulls out more carefully and starts moving shallowly, with every move feeling soft walls surrender, opening wide.

he fucks donghyuck more bravely now, and seeing the red cheeks and matted hair only makes him move faster, with longer thrusts, grasping his hands on the headboard. he is so overwhelmed with the mix of happiness, arousal and disbelief that he almost misses the way donghyuck moans, when he thrusts especially deep. this sound sends a cold shiver down mark's spine, but when he repeats it, just for a try, donghyuck moans again and clutches to his shoulders, frowning his eyebrows. mark leans back taking donghyuck’s legs under his knees and pulls closer, accompanied by donghyuck’s whimper.

“wrap your legs around my waist”, mark instructs, surprised by the steadiness of his voice. donghyuck complies, looking abashed, and mark gets closer to him, caging donghyuck on either sides of his head with his arms and looking at him as if he wants to find something, before he makes a sudden deep thrust. donghyuck shuts his eyes and gasps, grabbing on the sheets. mark thrusts again in the same way, and donghyuck lets out a moan, which fully opens his vocal talent. mark smiles, kisses him in the forehead and begins to move slowly, watching hyuck's cock start oozing at the tip as the boy whimpers with every his thrust. 

“you like it, donghyuck-a? do i make you feel good?”

mark whispers in his ear, hearing a long desperate whine, and that’s like a green light to him. he leans back, hooks his hands under donghyuck’s thighs and starts to fuck donghyuck fast and deep, as he always dreamed of.

donghyuck’s legs tremble of tension, he roams his hands on the sheets trying to grip on them, tilting his head back and arching a bit when a thrust is especially rough. he reaches his hand to his cock, but mark is faster, as he takes it in a tight grip.

"mark, mark, mark..." donghyuck sobs like delirious and bucks his hips up in mark’s hand, his thighs are trembling, mouth opened in permanent whimper, and mark swears he couldn’t find a better picture. he fucks into donghyuck faster, and he knows donghyuck is going to cum at any second. he feels his hole tighten and clench around him, and then sees a jet of cum shoot out of donghyuck’s cock, covering his abdomen with pearly ropes. the sight is so willing and mind-blowing that it takes mark only a few short thrusts into a sensitive body before he cums too, groaning and squeezing donghyuck’s thighs, leaving red marks and feeling as if he can literally burst because of these feelings he kept for so long.

he takes a deep breath feeling the rapid speed of his heart slow down, pulls out of donghyuck, unwrapping his legs and carefully lowering them, and drops down near donghyuck's exhausted body. he closes his eyes leveling his breath, swimming in a post-orgasm bliss, his hand dropping on his chest, when he hears a soft, "you came inside me."

mark's eyes fly open, he jumps on his place muttering ‘oh god, sorry, wait a sec’ and sprints to the bathroom, grabbing a paper towel before getting back to donghyuck.

donghyuck is lying with his legs spread, he's covering his face with his arm, and for a second it seems to mark that he’s crying, which makes mark feel his indides knot. he comes to the bed on wobbly legs, and when donghyuck opens his face, mark is relieved as there’s no sign of tears on his cheeks. he rips off a piece of paper and wipes donghyuck’s belly, then between his ass cheeks before taking away the pillow carefully.

donghyuck lifts up a bit and looks at him, with great tiredness in his gaze, as if trying to say something but not feeling strong enough even to move his tongue. mark opens his mouth, even though he hasn’t found words to say yet, but donghyuck falls on the bed, and mark carefully covers him with a blanket, realizing that now it’s not the time for conversations.

he turns off the floor lamp, climbs on the bed by donghyuck’s side under the blanket, and when he reaches his arm to embrace him, donghyuck tugs the blanket to his chin and turns on his side, so that his back faces mark.

and something bitter spreads out in mark’s chest.


	4. Chapter 4

the next morning mark awakes expectedly alone, donghuck’s side of bed being crumpled, and empty. mark lifts up a bit on his elbows, not fully awake yet, and eyes the room, spotting his sweatpants lying on the carpet. a stream of memories from yesterday floods over him like a waterfall, cold and sobering.

he falls back and closes his eyes, feeling a mix of panic, shame and regret tearing him into three parts. he wants to rip his hair off, or to break his hand, or to just jump out of the window, - luckily, they are on the 22nd floor. 

the feeling of his own nakedness hits his consciousness, so he hastily gets up and grabs a pair of pants from his bag. when he puts them on and heads to the bathroom to wash up and, he chuckles to himself, to see his shameless face, the door of the room opens and donghyuck comes in.

it feels like vacuum has possessed mark’s mind because he stares at donghyuck, but can’t move at all.

donghyuck closes the door and calmly passes him by to grab his bag.

“the manager wants us to be ready in 10 for breakfast”, he says shortly.

“y-yeah, thanks”, mark answers automatically and goes to the bathroom failing to feel the floor underneath his feet, as if walking into the abyss.

only when he splashes a large amount of water into his face, he can finally put himself together. the air seems to be burning, tensed, and it’s not just hard, it’s _impossible_ to breathe in. the thought that he must say something to donghyuck goes round his mind like rotor blades, smashing his brain into a messy substance. but he tries to concentrate on brushing his teeth and manages not to zone out, and when he’s finally out, a sigh leaks off his lips, because donghyuck is not in.

mark hastily fishes out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt out of his bag, packing there the rest of his things, including dirty underwear and sweatpants, gets dressed and rushes out.

everybody has already gathered in the lobby, and after making sure that nobody forgot anything they leave the hotel. 

they seat separately on the bus to the airport, on the plane and on the way to the dorms. and it has already become a usual thing recently, but this time mark is really glad about it, because he has a chance to waste his time on thinking of what to do next.

‘to waste’ because he doesn't come to any particular decision in the end, and every time he meets donghyuck’s eyes he completely forgets any options he managed to come up with.

the situation between them almost doesn’t change. they still communicate only when it comes to working issues, and they don’t share a word on some personal matters, they don’t even joke with each other. every morning mark decides to have a talk with donghyuck but he cant find it in himself to actually start, - and almost a week goes by.

on sunday evening, when everybody has just had their dinner, jaehyun pops up an important question.

“whose turn is it to do the washing-up tonight?”

such kind of questions always make them groan in annoyance, because it’s the last thing each of them wants to do at the end of the day. but suddenly an idea dawns on mark.

“i guess, it’s donghyuck’s? he hasn't been on duty for quite a while”, he says nonchalantly, hiding his face in a teacup. the response comes immediately.

“what?! i did it this tuesday!” donghyuck snaps angrily, and mark thinks that if somebody but him said that donghyuck’s tone wouldn't be so hostile.

“yes, and i helped you with the most of it”, jaehyun says. “so tonight you can have a chance to do it all by yourself, right?”

mark doesn’t know if jaehyun suspected something, him being mark’s other half, but mark is still grateful.

“right, it’s decided then”, taeyong says and gets up. if jaehyun suggests something, taeyong can't disagree, and it’s a bingo for mark.

“but hyung!” donghyuck cries out, offended, eyeing the rest of them in search for support. but unfortunately for him, everybody is being too selfish to care about their maknae on the evenings like that, even though they cherish him the other 90% of the time.

they all follow taeyong and leave the kitchen, doyoung squeezing donghyuck’s shoulder, but he also walks out. mark is left the last, pretending to sip out from an almost empty cup, as he cautiously watches donghyuck who is sitting on the chair with a pout on his face, drilling the table with his stare. a few moments passes before he also gets up and goes out, knowing he’s going to come back.

mark settles on the couch in the living room, listening very carefully. he is scrolling the twitter, but his eyes do not see anything, and when he hears the sound of running water, he puts the phone on the coffee table in front of him and sits straight, his back tensed. he hears somebody coming into the bathroom, somebody opening and closing the bedrooms doors, and he feels like a criminal, burgled in a house. he sits for a minute, feeling his heart pounding in his chest, and it seems to him that the sound of it rolls around the dorm like a thunderstorm. 

‘now’ he thinks, but doesn’t move an inch.

he takes a breath.

‘now’, - and again, he cannot move, as if being glued to the sofa.

when he makes his way to the kitchen doorway, it feels like he lost his memory for the few seconds of this little journey. but there he is, standing in the kitchen, which is lit only by the light of a kitchen hood. donghyuck is standing near it, in front of the sink, his hands clothed in rubber gloves and foam, doing the last plate. he washes off the last bubbles, switches off the water and takes the gloves off.

mark makes a step in and closes the door, his heart beating faster every second. 

donghyuck lifts his face up, gives mark a brief surprised look, but then, as if failing to find anything interesting, turns to the pile of cleaned plates, takes prepared towel and starts to wipe them dry before putting them in the cupboard above his head. the deem yellow light of the kitchen hood makes donghyuck’s naturally dark skin glow like gold, and mark cant take his eyes off him again. at the back of his mind he knows he is one step away from missing his opportunity to have a talk and to make things right, but donghyuck is so beautiful, and glowing, and dear to his heart, that he walks towards him thoughtlessly and hugs him from the back, wrapping his arms around donghyuck’s waist. 

donghyuck almost drops the plate and shivers under mark’s touch, but mark just gently tightens his grip and buries his nose in donghyuck’s shoulder.

donghyuck sighs, puts the plate away and relaxes a bit.

“what do you want?” he asks in an even voice, but rather then hostile it sounds tired.

it doesn't take long for mark to come up with the answer, it’s on the tip of his tongue, and slips out easily and naturally.

“i miss you”, he says in a low voice, breathing in donghyuck’s smell, and the feeling of donghyuck’s body in his arms, scent of his skin, the dim light that wraps them, all makes mark sink into the moment as if he could feel it with every cell of his body. 

“you missed me, and that’s why you made me do the washing up? interesting”, donghyuck scoffs and shakes his head.

mark doesn’t know what to say to this witty reply. he tries to put his thoughts together by breathing in, but it has an absolutely opposite effect on him: to his horror and shame he feels his cock twitch and harden in his pants, and he shuts his eyes, feeling the heat burning slowly on his cheeks. he feels desperate because he _did_ intend to talk to donghyuck (although he didn't know what to say exactly, hoping that the words will find their way from his heart to his tongue), but he definitely didn't intend to get hard.

maybe it's because he is so tired of trying not to want donghyuck, given that all attempts were doomed to fail from the very beginning.

another inhale is taken, and mark shoves all the thoughts away and grinds his crotch against donghyuck’s ass, his cock getting harder with every move.

“i really miss you, donghyuck-a”, mark murmurs and lands a soft kiss onto donghyuck’s nape keeping on grinding.

“ah, you miss me in _that_ way”, donghyuck scoffs again, and in his voice mark can hear amusement mixed with something he can't name yet, but it’s not important. nothing is important when he's holding donghyuck in his arms.

he grinds against him a few more times till his cock is fully hard, as he kisses donghyuck’s neck, hardly touching it with his lips. donghyuck tilts his head back on marks shoulder, as if exposing his neck for mark’s kisses, and releases a heavy sigh when mark, encouraged, slides his hands down to donghyuck’s cock. 

he presses his palm against it, feeling that it’s hardening, and rubs on it through the trousers till it presses in the fabric, fully hard.

and if somebody walked on them, they could see a mess instead of their maknaes: their bodies pressing incredibly close, mark is grinding on donghyuck’s ass which he arches a bit, donghyuck’s head’s on marks shoulder, eyes closed and mouth opened, his hands gripping on the kitchen counter, while one of mark’s palms is stroking donghyuck's cock through his pants, another one tightly setting on his hip.

“you’re so hard”, mark whispers in donghyuck’s ear, squeezing his cock in his hand, and donghyuck gasps and drops his head forward, tightening his grip on the counter.

“of course i’m hard, i’m a healthy man, my cock gets hard when it gets touched”, donghyuck snaps under his breath, and marks laughs quietly, pressing another kiss onto donghyuck’s neck: that’s _his_ donghyuck, and he wouldn't trade him for a world.

he suddenly feels an unbearable urge to kiss donghyuck, so he takes his hands off him, spins him round and presses him into the counter with his body.

donghyuck looks at him in surprise, his lips dry and parted, when mark cups his cheeks, slowly thumbs over his hot skin and then connects their lips in a frenzied, open and wet kiss. he slides his tongue in donghyuck’s mouth, catches his and sucks on it with his lips, then again fucks it into his mouth rhythmically, and donghyuck moans, grabbing on mark’s t-shirt as if to yank him closer, but instead pulls away, panting.

“enough’, donghyuck says after a deep breath, his lips now puffy and slick. 

mark doesn't have time to think, as in next moment donghyuck unbuttons his jeans and puts his hand on mark's cock through the fabric of underwear. mark’s wide eyes meet donghyuck’s seemingly decisive look, his breath hitches and he can only think 'oh my god' before his hands instinctively reach donghyuck’s pants. 

he tugs them down with shaky hands, thumbs around the head of his cock, the fabric being wet with precum, and then slides inside, wrapping his fingers around donghyuck’s shaft. donghyuck repeats after him and they breathe heavily in unison, but none of them dares to break the eye contact. mark strokes donghycks dick smearing the precum along it, and after a deep low moan and a few seconds donghyuck does the same. mark feels donghyuck’s hot palm on his cock and it’s already enough for him to feel the desire to cum this very minute, his heart jumping erratically in his chest, and he grits his teeth to distract himself, but donghyuck is a mischievous kid - he notices that and begins to move his hand more rapidly. mark looks him in the eyes, and can definitely recognise the flame that dances at the bottom of his dark eyes.

they jerk each other off in almost same pace, and when mark feels he's close, he stops donghyucks hand with his other one, pulls it off his cock and stops stroking donghyucks leaking cock. donghyuck moans somehow disappointedly, but the next second mark presses closer in him, pecks him in the cheek as if apologising for the pause, and takes his hand, wrapping it around both their cocks pressed together. 

donghyuck breathes in sharply, lowers his gaze, and when mark starts moving their hands together on their two cocks, donghyuck licks his lips and closes his eyes. and if mark had to die right now he would be glad to do it, with the sight of his beautiful, horny and sweet donghyuck in front of his eyes.

mark speeds up the strokes and feels donghyuck push his hips in the grip of their hands, so he puts his other hand on donghyucks small waist and presses him closer. 

“mark… mark i think i’m gonna cum”, donghyuck breathes out and shuts his eyes.

the next second mark feels the grip on his cock tightening, and donghyuck cums, dirtying his own and mark’s hands. he leans over to press his face in marks shoulder and breathes loudly, still moving his hand, which glides more smoothly now.

mark groans softly, feeling his legs shake, and releases in a few seconds. he still holds their hands on their cocks and softly kisses donghyuck in his temple. he's now overwhelmed, his head is blank, and he only wishes for this moment to never end. but it does, when donghyuck raises his head, pulls his palm away, with his eyes hooded, and grabs a towel which he used for wiping the plates to cleans the cum off their hands and stomachs.

mark lazily tugs himself back into his jeans, and donghyuck does the same with his indifferent face, before turning away and heading out as if nothing happened. mark doesn't even have time to open his mouth. he is left in a half-lit kitchen, alone with a dirty towel and a torturing thought.

they still haven’t talked.


	5. Chapter 5

the only explanation that mark finds to excuse his indecisiveness is that _he needs time_. he prefers not to think about the fact that he didn't need time when he decided to kneel in front of donghyuck, but he somehow can't find it to finally work things out. and he definitely doesn't need dora the explorer to find extra time for fucking donghyuck. it’s not like he does it at every opportunity, but still, it is not a one-time thing.

he fucks him in the toilet, and in the bathroom, once they did it in the living room, then on a narrow bed in his bedroom, dirtying the sheets almost every time because he loves doing it without a condom. he even fucked donghyuck on a kitchen table in dreamies' dorm, when everybody went to bed, and that was the riskiest thing in his life he’d ever done, because the table was squeaking and shaking with every his thrust, threatening to wake up the donsaengs, while donghyuck tried to muffle up his moans with his both hands, as mark fucked him into a hard table top, holding his legs up in the air. he kissed his ankles, gently rubbed the skin under his knees, then folded them and pressed onto donghyuck’s chest, kissing him all over his face with no restrains, biting on his neck, as he felt soft walls clenching around his cock. and mark always makes sure donghyuck cums first because the sight of his orgasmic face is mark’s most favourite part in having sex with him. for this reason he prefers to fuck donghyuck face to face, even if it is more comfortable when donghyuck’s standing on his fours. 

and when it comes to sex, mark wants to take as much as he can, worshipping every donghyuck’s part, like thad day when he cornered him in the shower, donghyuck was the last to take it, bent him, so the boy had to lean his palms on the cold tile of the wall, and ate his ass like it was the only thing he wanted in his life. 

he licked over the entrance with slow soft moves, making it slick of his spit, tensed his tongue and pushed it inside, feeling donghyuck’s body try to swallow it. he fucked into him, while squeezing his ass cheeks, and licked over the rim again, edging donghyuck till his knees were shaking. when donghyuck reached his hand to his cock, mark gently pushed it away and pulled it behind his back, as he kept on working his tongue.

donghyuck came untouched, and after a white jet spilled out to decorate the floor, he could have fallen down if it hadn’t been for mark‘s firm hug. he turned round to lock his heavy gaze with mark’s, his eyes half-closed, his cheeks flushed, making him look so breathtakingly beautiful that mark thought his heart would explode, - as it always wants to during their intimacy. mark took donghyuck’s hand in his and, following some sudden urge, shut his eyes and pressed his lips to the pointy knuckles for four, life-long seconds. when he opened his eyes, cautiously, donghyuck was staring at him in disbelief with a shade of shyness in his features, and he abruptly pulled his hand back, as if the kiss burnt his skin. 

“don’t start”.

“i am not starting anything”, mark echoed, unsure of what donghyuck was talking about. he saw donghyuck taking a breath, stepping closer and at the next moment a palm wrapped around his rock-hard cock. he gasped and opened his mouth to say something but donghyuck interrupted him.

“you wanted this, didn’t you”, he said in affirmative tone. mark lowered his gaze to his cock, watching it appear and disappear in donghyuck’s firm fist, and a loud cry started to form in his chest.

he came after a few strokes, his cry turning into a stifled moan, and he could swear he was a second away from collapsing right there, if donghyuck didn’t pinned him to his place with his strong stare.

donghyuck washed his hands under the shower and left mark, rewarding him with an indifferent “hurry up and don't waste the water”.

only then mark managed to return to the reality from his stupor.

but no matter how reserved donghyuck is with him, he’s never stopped him, never said he doesn’t want to, and it puzzles mark even more, because they still haven’t return to their usual communication. mark admits that maybe he somehow hopes that things will get back to normal naturally, but a sensible part of him screams that is not going to happen no matter how good he is in bed and how pleased donghyuck is after sex. mark just doesn’t know how to make the first important step and get donghyuck to talk.

he spends his way home from shooting with such torturing gloomy thoughts in his head, and they don’t leave him even though he is really tired. when he comes to the dorms, he meets only taeyong, yuta and doyoung, with the rest having gone for a drink as tomorrow is promised to be a lazy sunday. they come back when mark is getting ready to bed, all fairly drunk, the maknae being almost wasted, and taeyong meets them in the hall and clasps his hands in an angry gesture.

“hyung, we’re so sorry, we didn’t manage to keep an eye on our little haechan-i”, jaehyun murmurs and tries to kiss the leader in the neck, apparently, hoping to get the others out of trouble by making taeyong kind, and taeyong laughs nervously and shyly, while the merry company is struggling with the shoes and street clothes. 

“y’all, go take a shower and then straight to bed, do i make myself clear? be grateful the managers have gone early today”, taeyong orders, pushing away jaehyun’s clingy ass, while the others, not having a privilege of their leaders lover, gradually disappear in the inner rooms. “haechan, you go first.”

donghyuck grunts under his breath but doesn't contradict, or it’ll get worse

mark watches the play with four drunk and one sober actors, leaning out of the bathroom with a toothbrush in his hand. he spots donghyuck’s red cheeks and glowing eyes under matted hair, and returns to brushing his teeth, trying to calm his heart with splashes of cold water in the face. he wipes it with a towel, hanging off his shoulder, when he hears the bathroom door open, close and locked. he pulls his face off the fabric, surprised, and sees donghyuck standing in front of him in his pajamas, also with a fluffy towel on his shoulder. 

“s-sorry, i-i’ve just finished”, mark stutters, apologizing for nothing, when donghyuck comes to him in quick steps, _unbearably_ close, and mark’s eyes go wide and breath hitches. donghyuck stares him in the eyes, then lowers his gaze to his parted mouth, but stays still, and mark’s self-control vanishes at the sight of donghyuck’s puffy red lips being just a few inches away from his. mark grits his hands on his sweatpants, but it’s all in vain when donghyuck says, 

“how long are you going to stare, dumbass?”

mark wants to answer something, but understands that it will be even more stupid than staring with no action. he leans closer, still grabbing on his sweatpants, and presses his mouth to donghyuck’s. for a moment it seems to him that donghyuck smiles in a kiss, and his heart drops down to his heels, and heat runs over his body.

donghyuck is the first one to use his tongue, although he once said that he’s not fond of all these 'vanilla stuff', and mark is not surprised, he is _thrilled_ to the trembling in his knees, fearing that this time his legs will certainly give in.

as if guessing that, donghyuck breaks the kiss, licks his lips and lazily wraps his arms around mark’s neck.

“donghyuck-a”, mark is intoxicated by the kiss, and he wants more, so he leans in again, but donghyuck pulls away a bit. 

“no-no-no, you’ve had enough”, he laughs mockingly, teasing him, and mark is confused.

he can blame the alcohol for donghyuck’s strange behaviour, but it will be a hypocrisy to say he doesn't enjoy that, his hardening cock and rapid pulse are proofs of that. his heart speeds up when donghyuck presses close to him, tightens his hug, and starts grinding against his crotch, breathing heatedly in his ear.

“wow mark-i, you’re hard already”, he whispers, moving his hips, and mark can’t help but grasp on his waist with all his fingers, as black circles start forming before his eyes. he lets out a restrained moan, feeling donghyuck’s dick hardening too, and hears the boy laugh quietly before he pulls away after several more moves, still having his hands around mark’s neck.

“will you make me feel good, hyung?” he whispers, running his fingers through mark’s hair and tugging it a bit. he looks at mark with such hungry and pleading eyes, that mark thinks he can do _anything_, to die for him at the very least. “will you?”

“y-yes, i-i will”, he says, holding his breath as if being hypnotized.

he sees donghyuck’s lips stretch in a smile, either happy or mocking, and feels donghyuck hands press on his shoulders. he understands what is needed immediately, and drops on his knees, ready to drown in the depths, which are deeper than any existing ocean. 

his hands fail to perform an easy task such as tugging donghyuck’s pants down, and donghyuck giggles and tugs them down himself.

“what, wanna suck me off so much that your hands betray you?” he scoffs, when his dick is out in the open air. mark swallows the insult and his own answer _'yes, i want it so much'_ silently, and takes donghyuck’s cock in his palm, stroking it slowly several times to make it fully hard before guiding it into his mouth.

he feels donghyuck tense, when he takes the head between his lips and starts sucking on it, closing his eyes. he then puts his palms on donghyuck’s soft thighs and takes his cock a bit deeper, and donghyuck exhales noisily and grabs mark’s hair with his both hands. a pleasant shiver goes down mark’s body when he feels donghyuck’s hands ruffling and playing with his locks, and he’s so happy that he can please donghyuck, that he wants to please him even more, so he starts bobbing his head, slowly but harshly, sucking on his cock every time he pulls away.

donghyuck moans quietly in one rhythm with his movements, which makes mark’s own cock twitch in his pants, and thanks god they are loose sweatpants, otherwise he would go crazy of tension. he tastes donghyuck’s cock on his tongue, swirling it around the length while moving his head, feeling donghyuck’s fingers clenching in his hair harder and harder with every move.

he guides donghyuck’s cock a bit aside, so it brushes against the soft insides of his mouth, presses lips tighter, and then feels donghyuck stroke his cheek where his cock is poking. mark closes his eyes, craving to lean into a sudden gentle touch, but donghyuck’s words make his eyes fly open.

“you really like it, don't you? you really like sucking my dick”, donghyuck says distinctly, continuing to stroke mark’s cheek, and the tone of his voice is so mocking, but the touch is so soft, that mark shuts his eyes in embarrassment, the need between his thighs growing more unbearable. 

he keeps on working his mouth, when donghyuck puts his hands on both sides of mark’s head and stops him, making him freezes with a stuffed mouth. he looks donghyuck in the eyes, confused, and manages to see the dark abyss of desire rushing in his gaze before donghyuck slowly pushes his head towards the base of his cock. mark feels as if control over the situation, over his whole life slips through his fingers, like white sand, and his heart pounds in his chest like a church bell. he has no single thought in his head, he doesn’t even notice the pain in his knees and his own hurtful arousal, registering only the grip of donghyuck’s hands on his head and his cock, which is being pushed deep in his mouth. donghyuck slowly moves mark’s head on his cock, tugging him closer to his abdomen with each movement.

“come on, mark, i know you can take it deeper”, donghyuck sounds irritated, and mark breaths through his nose and tries to relax his throat.

donghyuck pushes further, and when his cock touches the back of mark’s throat, he moans and smiles, looking down at mark. he repeats this move again and again, speeding up, and mark shuts his eyes, because it feels so uncomfortable, his throat begins to soar, his jaw is tired, but then donghyuck harshly pulls away, leaving only the tip in his mouth.

“keep your eyes open”, he says in a firm whisper, as if giving an order, and this tone is so new, surprising yet so arousing that mark is afraid he’ll cum if he touches himself.

he opens his eyes, and at this very moment donghyuck slowly pushes his head to the base if his cock, till it’s fully down mark’s throat, steadying him like that. mark can’t breathe properly, his drool begins to stream from the corners of his mouth, his eyes welling with tears, blurring his vision, and he feels utterly humiliated, while fearing to admit that he _likes_ it. 

“wow, you’re taking me in so deep”, donghyuck breathes out, still keeping mark’s head in place, and when tears finally slip from the corners of his eyes, donghyuck cooes with an adorable smile on his face. “you’re so good to me, hyung, work your mouth so well for me”.

mark’s cock twitches pathetically at such a praise, and he feels so helpless, that he wants to cry out.

donghyuck traces his fingers through mark’s hair comfortingly, and pulls away a bit, letting him make an inhale, but as soon as he takes a breath, donghyuck starts thrusting in his mouth hard and fast without a warning.

“just like that, mark, feels so good...”

hearing that, mark can’t suppress a whine, and a few more teardrops spill down his cheeks, because donghyuck’s movements are rough, his own cock is going to burst, and he feels too many emotions, starting from embarrassment and finishing with delight, which rip his chest apart.

donghyuck makes the last move before he pulls out of mark’s mouth, strokes himself a couple of times and cums on mark’s face with a long sweet moan, which mark will never dare to forget. hot cum splashes on his cheeks and lips, and mark shuts his eyes reflectively.

“hyung, you look so pretty like that”, he hears a hoarse voice from above, and finally presses his palm to his cock, cumming with a shuttered outbreath. his body is shaking for a few seconds, and room swings in his vision, when he feels soft paper touching and cleaning his face. he opens his eyes to meet flushed, panting and satisfied donghyuck, and that’s the best reward mark can get.

donghyuck tosses the towel paper in the bin as mark gets up, licking his lips and tasting the drops of donghyuck’s cum. exhaustion and mad inspiration fill his body, and he doesn't know what to do with this feeling, and he comes to his senses only when donghyuck passes him by and exits the bathroom.

it suddenly feels as if mark was thrown out in the centre of a hurricane, and it takes him a minute or two to regain himself, before he returns to his room, mesmerized to the core.

and at night, he dreams of donghyuck’s sweet whisper, telling him the dirtiest things mark’s never had courage to imagine.


	6. Chapter 6

now donghyuck is not just ignoring him, he avoids him by every possible means. mark can be oblivious sometimes when it comes to feelings, but he can definitely distinguish indifferent look from a feared one, which he meets whenever he sees donghyuck. it hurts and confuses him more, giving that he was already confused to the point when if somebody asked him, what happened, it would take him time to explain. now it seems that donghyuck makes sure to always be in the presence of other hyungs, so it becomes more impossible to resolve the situation, which mark has almost given up doing. 

during their dance practise he sneaks a sideways glance at donghyuck, sitting on the floor, at the way he laughs with johnny during their break, and a thought hits him like a thunder. what if they never come back to what they used to be? how can he be without donghyuck? he can't imagine a life, _his_ life without him, and he doesn't want to. mark feels his chest tightening, and it’s suddenly hard for him to breathe. he closes his eyes for a moment, inhales sharply, and when he opens his eyes again he meets jaehyun’s worried look from another corner of the room. mark smiles, - and it feels as if his face became a rock, - showing jaehyun that he’s fine, and thanks god they are called to continue practice. the rest of the training he is so unfocused that he makes more mistakes than taeil, which is not an easy task to do.

he doesn't notice anybody, and almost doesn't remember neither the end of the practice, nor the road home, bath, supper, bed... he feels more like a zombie, his head stuffed with thoughts and empty at the same time. taeyong asks him after the meal if he’s okay, and mark on autopilot says that yes and he is just tired, but even that hardly registers in his memory. 

his mind clears only when he’s lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. he suddenly feels so weak, so tiny and so _unloved_, that something unbridled starts tearing his chest apart, and after a few moments he finds the right word for it. _hysteria_. he clenches his fists on a blanket and grits his teeth, inhaling deeper and deeper, and then jumps up and rushes to the kitchen. he sways the fridge door open, grabs a bottle of water and drinks it up till it’s empty. the cold, spreading through his body, seems to help a bit, and at least he can feel gradually regaining himself. he heavily lands on a chair, having not switched the lights, and drops his head on the table. the memories of what has happened up to now get back and hit him hard, - from the day he cowardly pushed donghyuck away to his last look, scared and insecure, shot to mark. 

he remembers their nights, when donghyuck belonged to him and _only_ to him, and bites on his hand to suppress the whine of regret. the silence of the dorm presses into his ears, and he wants to shout, to shout for real for the first time in his life, but he knows he can't. why couldn't he find another way, why he let himself lay his hands on donghyuck, his precious donghyuck, instead of…

“why are you sitting here in the dark?” mark hears jaehyun’s voice before he sees jaehyun himself in the dim light of a kitchen hood. jaehyun is standing near the fridge in mere boxers, and looks at mark with surprise in his eyes. he doesn’t wait for an answer though, and opens the fridge taking a bottle out. he must be also thirsty, mark thinks, eyeing fit body. jaehyun is handsome, even from a man’s perspective.

“if you’re thinking i was fucking taeyong”, jaehyun drinks more and wipes his lips with the back of his hand. “then you’re thinking right”, he finishes and smiles smugly.

mark chuckles bitterly, and shakes his head, but jaehyun suddenly frowns and sits opposite.

“hey, what happened? you’ve been not yourself today”, jaehyun sounds worried, but mark just stares at the table. “and, well, actually you’ve been acting a bit out of track lately”, jaehyun quirks his eyebrow and waits. mark raises his head, looks at jaehyun’s expression and thinks _fuck it_ before he opens his mouth.

“i fucked donghyuck”.

jaehyun’s face falls, and his complexion gets pale even in the twilight of kitchen. he doesn't react “what?!”, does not act shocked. he glances at the door, stands up, closes it and comes back to his place.

“the way you say it makes it seem like you did it against his will. what do you mean _i fucked donghyuck_? was he against it?” he asks staring at mark, who feels like the most miserable person on the planet.

“god, no”, mark shivers, almost outraged at this supposition. “he… he didn’t say yes, but he didn’t push me away either”.

“okay, that’s better. will you tell me what happened or shall i apply more strenuous methods to get you to speak?” jaehyun’s eyes are strict but sympathetic, and since he’s mark’s closest hyung, mark spills everything. without details, but detailed enough for jaehyun to understand the size of the problem. the more mark says, the more frowned jaehyun becomes. when mark’s speech is over, he is afraid that jaehyun is ready to punch him in the face. not like he doesn’t deserve it anyway.

“the situation is shitty. what did you think about when you...started all this?” jaehyun does not sound angry, but he definitely judges mark’s way of behaviour. “don't answer, i know”, mark even didn't have time to open his mouth, but jaehyun holds out his hands in a gesture of rejecting the answer.

“hyung, how did you and taeyong... you know... work out?” mark asks after a few moments of silence. the question seems to confuse jaehyun, who frowns again and leans closer.

“well, do you want to be with haechan like i am with taeyong?” jaehyun asks a reasonable questions, and mark is lost under jaehyun’s stare, feeling so _small_, but if he knows something, it is—

“i want… like… i don't know, i think i might love him?” mark’s voice is high pitched and frustrated, and he hits his head on the table again. “yeah, i guess… i might love him”, he finishes, his voice trailing to a complete silence.

mark breathes out heavily and shuts his eyes. _why_ is it so difficult to say these words out loud? he doesn't dare to look at jaehyun, embarrassed by his own feelings, as desperation floods him like a cold ocean wave. and if he was alone, he would probably cry, but now he can only try to fight the tingling feeling in his nose.

“and did you tell haechan about it?”

the question comes as snow in the middle of july. mark slowly raises his head and looks at jaehyun, stunned. for a moment it seems to him that there are merry sparkles dancing in jaehyun’s eyes, but he is truly 100% serious. 

“no. no i didn't”, mark says looking straight at jaehyun, but seeing nothing. jaehyun reaches his hand and ruffles mark’s hair, but the younger doesn't notice it.

“so, maybe you should start with this?” jaehyun says, his voice warm, and smiles at bewildered mark. mark comes out of his frozen state and stands up, murmuring.

“yeah… yeah, you’re right. thanks, hyung”, he looks at jaehyun, sincerely, and he really appreciates his help. he chuckles to himself at the thought that he might have never come to this idea if it wasn't for jaehyun. 

“you know, i am going to my parents’ place this weekend, so the room will be in your disposal”, jaehyun stands up too and heads to the exit.

and mark’s heart thuds when he realizes that the weekend is actually tomorrow.

“thanks, hyung. i mean it”, he smiles at jaehyun who lets him out first. 

“any time, bro”.

they wish each other good night, and mark comes back to his room to lie on his bed, processing the conversation.

the next day donghyuck is more elusive than any spy. mark wants to catch him in the morning, but donghyuck is already playing a video-game with yuta. he wants to do it in the afternoon, but johnny interrupts his plans and snatches donghyuck away to go shopping. 

mark is worried sick, feeling more desperate with every passing hour. he decides to try to write some lyrics, but it is definitely not his best idea: he tortures his creative part of brain for two hours straight before giving up in disgrace. then he tries to surf the net, to read a book, to listen to music, he even volunteeringly helps taeyong to do the cleaning (which, to be honest, distracts him a bit). 

after crawling around with a rag and dancing with a vacuum cleaner, with enthusiasm taeyong has never seen in him before, mark finally feels a bit tired, not in his mind but in his body, and it makes him feel a tiny bit better.

it is already dinner time when they finish, and mark decides to take a shower before a meal. streams of hot water calm his tumultuous thoughts, and he inhales deep, with a long relieved sigh for the first time in a day. when he comes to table, donghyuck is already sitting with everybody, as usually cheerful and satisfied, while johnny is telling them how the shopping went.

they had a good time together, and mark feels light pinches somewhere in his chest, as he looks at donghyuck’s smiling face. the thought that _he is smiling not because of me_ rushes through marks head, and he gives donghyuck a long look. but the younger behaves as if he doesn’t notice it, and the pinching feeling in marks chest gets stronger.

after dinner mark tells everybody that he is exhausted by taeyong and his kitchen cleaner, and goes straight to bed. he drops on it, closes his eyes and recalls donghyuck’s expression from a couple of minutes ago. he looked so happy, so cosy, and mark misses him so much. he remembers all the happy moments they shared together, and again he’s ready to beat himself up. the feeling is so unbearable that he jumps from his bed and finds his way to the kitchen to grab some water in the hope to calm down.

“mark? you said you’ll go to bed?” taeil is sitting with johnny as they drink tea, both occupied with their phones.

“uhm, yes, i just got thirsty”, he stammers, takes a bottle from the fridge but suddenly feels that nothing could go through his throat now.

“haechan also went to bed, we walked so much today”, johnny laughs, not tearing his eyes off the screen. 

_there won’t be a better moment_, mark thinks, and his body feels petrified. he puts the bottle back in the fridge with a robotic moves, wishes hyungs good night and goes out. but instead of his own room he heads on his wobbly legs to jaehyun and donghyuck’s room, feeling a heavy lead in his chest instead of a beating heart.

he opens the door without knocking, tentatively, like a thief, peers through the gap and sees donghyuck lying on his side, curled in the blanket to his head. mark slinks, silently closing the door, and sits on the edge of the bed, softly placing his hand on donghyuck shoulder. 

he is so precious, so dear, and mark could stare at him like that for eternity, and maybe they can talk another time… but donghyuck’s loud breath becomes silent, he opens his eyes idly, closes them again and then flings them open to look at mark. he jumps and presses into the headboard, hugging the blanket close to his chest, his cheek decorated with a sleep lines caused by the pillow.

mark is surprised by the sudden movement and almost falls off the bed, and he is even more surprised seeing a shade of fear in donghyuck’s eyes.

they stare at each other for a moment before donghyuck says harshly.

“what do you want again?”

now mark can definitely hear the frightened tone, and he asks cautiously.

“donghyuck-a, are you afraid of me?” he says leaning a bit closer to look in donghyuck’s face, but the latter casts his eyes aside and blushes a bit.

“i’m not. it’s just… you coming to me in the middle of the night like that…” he murmurs and then his face lightens as if he understood something. and mark is still confused, because he doesn't know if he should start the conversation with confession now. but he doesn't have much time to think as donghyuck pushes the blanket away, tugs his sleeping t-shirt over the head, leaving only the shorts, and gives mark an awaiting look. and mark _knows_ what it is, but he still needs time to process it, so he asks the dumbest question.

“w-what are you doing?” his voice is low but he can't resist savouring donghyuck’s body with his eyes. he always starves for donghyuck, and when the younger offers, it's hard to resist.

“well, you are here for this, aren’t you?” 

mark still has some shame left, so he blushes, his face getting hot, but his body reacts immediately with the heaviness in his abdomen. blissful emptiness fills his head, and before he knows it he latches his mouth on donghyuck’s lips, seeing the younger slamming his eyes shut.

mark presses donghyuck to the bed, sucking hard on his lips, but donghyuck grits his teeth and doesn’t let mark’s tongue in, pushing his palms onto mark’s ribs.

“open your mouth for me”, mark says pulling away. he softly brushes a lock of hair off donghyuck’s forehead and looks him in the eyes. donghyuck weakens his grip on mark’s ribs, as if surprised by sudden gentleness, and complies. he opens his mouth, and mark takes his chin in his hand and tugs it a bit lower. he slowly presses his mouth into his and slides his hot tongue inside, touching donghyuck’s slick soft muscle, and donghyuck moans, breathing out a gasp. 

the kiss is lingering and wet, and mark feels the tensed body under him relax gradually, and mark likes donghyuck like that. when he is relaxed and pliant, letting mark touch and taste his glowing skin, and mark doesn't miss the chance now. he palms donghyuck’s hips without breaking the kiss, brushes his hands up and down, barely touching the heated skin of the inner thigh, and donghyuck’s soft moan drowns deep in his mouth. mark completely forgets why he came in donghyuck’s room in the first place, when donghyuck breaks the kiss, panting, and reaches his palm to mark’s cock.

“are you going to stay clothed or what?” he asks, displeased, and tightens his grip. mark is hovering above him, but his arms begin to shake as he feels the warmth of donghyuck’s palm on his hard dick. he groans and leans back to hastily get rid of the clothes and, pausing for a moment, slides donghyuck’s shorts down his slender legs too. they are finally naked, and mark attacks donghyuck with new portion of kisses, now landing them on his neck and chest, and donghyuck makes a surprised sound at how mark’s softness is turned into eagerness. 

mark strokes his sides while licking and nibbling slightly on his collarbones, and donghyuck shivers and bends his one leg in the knee. mark changes his bites into small kisses, going down donghyuck’s chest, and when he reaches his hard nipple, he stops for a second to meet the boy’s hooded eyes, and then parts his lips and puts all his gentleness in a wide move of his tongue. he feels goosebumps on the heated skin with the tip of his tongue and repeats his move, closing his eyes, then sucks donghyuck’s niple inside his mouth, swirling his tongue around it, tasting, and lets it out, right when donghyuck’s breath hitches in his throat. mark licks around the areola, bites the bead of the nipple and gets to another one. he does the same, licks hot and sucks gently, and donghyuck lets out a stifled hum a couple of tones higher than his usual voice and grabs on the sheets, before mark presses his lips to the area around the nipple and gives the skin a dry kiss.

“stop, please”, he hears a whimper, but it sounds so unconvincing that mark doesn't even think to stop. he continues to caress donghyuck’s chest, reaching his hand to his cock and feeling that it’s already hard and hot. donghyuck emits a dissatisfied moan, but mark knows him too well to notice lust underneath pretentious indignation. 

“you don’t like it?” mark asks and chuckles kindly, brushing over donghyuck’s dick with his fingertips. he barely touches it, and donghyuck bucks his hips up but doesn't answer, only breathes heavily. mark is endeared by the sight of donghyuck turning his face aside and then leans down, pressing into him and licking his neck, while starting to stroke donghyuck’s cock with his fist. he wipes the salty drops of sweat off his skin, as donghyuck moves his legs restlessly on the sheets, and whispers right in donghyuck’s ear,

“it feels good, yeah, donghyuck-a? i’m making you feel good, right?” and they both know this is a rhetorical question, deserving only a moan in response, which donghyuck immediately delivers.

mark leans back, and donghyuck shivers as if it was cold in the room, when mark strokes his inner thighs with his big palms. he stops for a moment to open donghyuck’s legs wide, as wide as he can on that narrow bed. he sees donghyuck blushing and thinks that it’s the best shade of red he’s ever witnessed, better than any sunset. he gives donghyuck’s cock a few dry strokes and then slides his fingers down, between his ass cheeks. donghyuck’s breath hitches, when mark draws a circle with his fingertip around his entrance, feeling that his dick is going to burst if he doesn't feel these tight walls wrapping around it. 

mark frowns for a moment, thinking that he has no patience to get to his room for lube when he remembers about a small shimmering package in the pocket of his pants, which was left after their last time, and hurries to get it. donghyuck watches him with a knowing smirk as if saying _i was right, wasn't i_, and for a moment mark remembers that he didn't come for _this_, he really didn't. but when he returns to the bed, donghyuck slides his palm under his butt cheeks, bends his legs in the knees, and spreads his ass without tearing his stare from mark’s flushed face. mark wants to wail.

“donghyuck”, he groans in a strangled voice before landing a long kiss onto donghyuck’s knee.

he rips the package and pours the lube on his fingers before pressing one to donghyuck’s hole, circling it a bit with a slight pressure, and the skin feels hotter comparing to the cold of liquid. he carefully pushes the finger inside, and donghyuck tenses, tilting his head back and relaxing only when it is fully inside. mark strokes his thigh with his one hand while moving his finger from side to side, caressing the walls as he wants to be soft and gentle with donghyuck, even if his cock is twitching just at the sight of donghyuck’s spread ass.

he adds another finger, and donghyuck frowns, revealing a shuddered breath. mark starts kissing his abdomen while scissoring him, and donghyuck buries his hands in mark’s hair and pulls on them, when mark starts to rub his prostate. donghyuck obviously tries to suppress any sounds, his breath noisily coming out of his mouth, and when mark presses his fingertips hard, donghyuck squirms as if trying to move away, but the grip in mark’s hair becomes even more painful.

“here?” mark whispers in donghyuck’s stomach and looks up. donghyuck’s mouth is parted, but he grits his teeth when mark rubs there again. “does it feel good when i touch you here?” 

he leans close to donghyuck’s hot face and looks him in the eyes, while starting to fuck him with his three fingers, pressing onto his prostate with every thrust. donghyuck shuts his eyes and then suddenly opens them, when mark spreads his fingers inside his tight hole.

“yeah… yes, it feels good”, he finally breathes out, and a wave of delight hits mark again. 

“i am so happy”, mark gives donghyuck a wide smile and kisses him in the forehead.

when he pulls his fingers out, he almost misses the heat of donghyuck’s velvet-like insides, so he hurriedly spills the lube on his cock, smearing, and when he pushes inside, donghyuck’s chest starts moving rapidly in shallow inhales, his eyebrows furrowed, and mark wants to wrap his arms around his pretty boy and never let go. 

he pushes further, holding onto donghyuck’s thighs, and donghyuck grabs on his shoulders, then on the sheets, and then again on his shoulders, when mark leans lower and thrusts his cock in to the base of it. it’s not the first time when they fuck, but no matter where, when or how they do it, mark always feels at the peak of bliss, his heart pounds heavily in his chest and it takes him all his willpower not to forget how to breathe, because donghyuck feels, looks, sounds _so good_ in his arms.

mark wraps donghyuck’s legs around his waist and pushes incredibly deep, into the heat and tightness, stopping for a moment, worried, when donghyuck lets out a quiet whimper. 

he waits a bit, gathering all his self-control for it, and when donghyuck’s breath steadies, he begins moving, slowly and shallowly, spreading the tight hole as gently as possible. he strokes donghyuck’s abdomen randomly and feels clingy fingers tighten on his shoulders in rhythm with his careful thrusts, donghyuck lying with eyes shut and gasping every time mark pounds inside. mark reaches his hand and places it on donghyuck’s warm cheek, at which donghyuck opens his blurred eyes, and mark drowns in his gaze for the thousandth time in his life. he changes his short thrusts into long ones, feeling all his length sucked inside the silky heat, and donghyuck opens his mouth wider in moan for mark to silence it with a wet kiss.

the next his thrusts are faster, as he brushes donghyuck’s prostate with the tip of his cock, enjoying the whines which donghyuck’s rewards him with. he looks at donghyuck’s face and sees a burning gaze, pleading and impatient, and feels no longer in ability to act reserved.

he leans over, their chest connecting, and starts fucking into donghyuck fast and hard, praying for donghyuck not to moan so loudly, as he grasps the headboard, feeling the orgasm building up in him. suddenly donghyuck wraps his arms around his back and presses closer, clinging to him as if mark was his only rescuer. it's so intimate, that mark again begins to feel that familiar but unknown feeling in his chest that, he swears to god, will tear him apart sooner or later. he can’t endure it any longer, so he brushes his mouth over donghyuck’s ear while hammering into him at the highest speed possible, and breathes out a desperate-

“i love you… i love you, donghyuck-a… i love you so much...”

he realises what he’s just said only after a few seconds, and this realisation makes him feel so light and relieved, as if he hid these words somewhere on the bottom of his soul, trapped in a cage, but only did worse to himself. and now, when he finally has the courage to pronounce them, he feels happy to the very core.

suddenly donghyuck presses his hands between their chests, pushing him away and writhing underneath him.

“stop, stop it”, donghyuck lets out a broken cry, and mark immediately halts his moves, feeling cold wave of fear flooding over him. “get off, get off me!!” donghyuck shouts and almost tries to fight to make mark move away.

“okay-okay-okay, i’m not doing anything”, mark panics and hurriedly leaves donghyuck’s body, causing a pained whimper.

donghyuck scatters to the headboard, curling into a ball and hiding in the blanket, as he looks at mark like a prey looks at its predator. and mark is stunned, having no single thought in his head. they are both panting, and after half a minute of staring at each other, while mark is dying of fear, donghyuck utters a quiet,

“what the fuck was that?” 

it seems mark can’t hear the question and just sits there, naked and puzzled, in such a state of shock that he can’t even feel embarrassed.

“what the fuck was that confession during sex?” donghyuck spits out, but his voice is shaky, and mark’s heart sinks down. 

“donghyuck-a, i…” mark reaches his hand to touch him, but donghyuck presses closer to the headboard, causing mark to draw his hand back, as if he has done something wrong.

he tries to find words, but thoughts race in his mind like little mice, scratching and screeching. 

“first you shove me away, even when nobody's watching, and you don't even apologies, then you tell me a soulful speech about how you want to fuck me, then you actually fuck me, and then say this shit about love? what the fuck does it mean, huh?” donghyuck’s voice is filled with bitter, but on the last words he stutters, and tears start falling down his cheeks like a waterfall. 

mark watches him in disbelief, and when donghyuck hides his face in his knees and sobs, mark finally gets back to earth, feeling his heart being torn into velvet pieces. 

“i’m sorry, donghyuck, i am so sorry… don’t cry, please”, mark moves closer to him and sits near, putting his hand on donghyuck’s knees, covered in blanket, but the boy throws it off as his sobs become even louder. 

“donghyuck, look at me, please, love, look at me”, mark tries again, and when donghyuck raises his head and gives him a perplexed look, mark quickly cups his cheeks and stares him in the eyes, his breath heavy as he’s ready to tell what he wanted.

“i love you, donghyuck-a”.

his voice is serious and confident, but everything inside him trembles.

donghyuck blinks a few times, still crying, and hiccups.

“yeah, we used to say this to each other all the time”.

mark pauses... and then gets it.

“yes, but i love you in another way. not as a friend, but... more than that... oh god”, mark lowers his head and then looks up at donghyuck with such a desperate expression that donghyuck stops sobbing. “i did it all wrong, god... donghyuck-a, i’m so sorry”, he pulls the younger to his chest, who doesn't resist and just hiccups again.

mark feels cool palms landing on his back as he whispers, closing his eyes,

“i love you so much. i really do”.

“i love you too”, he hears a soft whisper and gently pulls away, looking in donghyuck’s face. he doesn't have time to ask because donghyuck gives him a hesitant look.

“i thought you were using me because you wanted to fuck… and you could've had anybody, no one would have said no to you, but you chose me because i am always beside you… i thought i am just a whore for you”, donghyuck begins to cry again at the last words, and mark feels his body going numb. 

“oh god, no, donghyuck, i love you, and that's why i want you, i would never…” he wipes newborn tears off donghyuck’s face and kisses his cheeks, collecting salty drops with his lips.

“but you never said that”, donghyuck says with a judging look in his teary eyes. “you never said you love me that way”.

that’s what jaehyun was telling him. they’ve said “i love you” to each other so many times, but they never implied anything beyond friendship, and that was something mark struggled to accept in himself in the first place.

mark blinks a couple of times, and when he opens his mouth, words float out of it by themselves.

“i love you like one can love the only person in his life. i can't imagine my life without you. i want to be with you”, he pauses, “i really love you, donghyuck-a”, he repeats in a whisper, looking donghyuck in the eyes, while struggling with the desire to shut his. he holds his breath seeing as donghyuck’s suspicious look changes into a crying frown and then into an unreadable expression. 

“give me a tissue from the nightstand”, he says in a cold tone, and his look makes mark hurry to get the pack from behind him.

“yes, yes, sure. here”, he murmurs while handing the tissue to donghyuck. he is again afraid, icy wave going through his skin, but he waits patiently. donghyuck wipes his face, blows his nose noisily and tosses the paper somewhere on the floor. he turns his face to mark, who has already thought of any possible bad outcome of this situation, and says firmly,

“kiss me”.

mark hears the words perfectly well, but this demanding tone prevents him from comprehending them.

“w-what?” he raises his eyebrows and asks meekly.

donghyuck’s tone becomes even more demanding, even whining.

“i said, kiss me”, he pouts.

and finally mark gets it. his face feels hot, hands begin trembling and he is so nervous as if he was gonna jump from the rock without a parachute. he lifts up a bit, brings his face close to donghyuck’s and gives him a dry chaste kiss. 

“more”, donghyuck whispers, looking at mark’s lips with a plea in his eyes, and mark gains courage. he presses his lips to donghyuck’s firmly and wet, and when donghyuck opens his mouth, he slides his tongue inside, drawing a noisy breath out of donghyuck with his gentle move. donghyuck grabs his shoulder and pulls closer, bumping their noses, and when he shoves his tongue in marks mouth, mark groans as he can't wait anymore. donghyuck throws the blanket off without breaking the kiss and straddles marks laps to be with him skin to skin, before he pulls away, panting out a simple “just like that” and smiling shyly.

mark looks at this smile, soft and contented, - his favourite kind of smile, - and he can’t subdue a grin, spreading on his lips. he feels cured just by this smile, unable to believe that donghyuck finally looks at him with loving eyes.

donghyuck cups his cheeks and kisses him again, slowly and tenderly, stroking marks face with his thumbs, and this gentleness makes mark feel weak, and he loses himself in that feeling, hugging donghyuck closer as if afraid that donghyuck will disappear.

they press into each other unbearably close, and mark feels as donghyuck, consciously or not, starts to rub against him, moaning softly, and this time mark is the first to pull away from the kiss. he looks in donghyuck’s blissed out face and tries to decide if it is okay to ask for the continuation of what they abrupted, because his dick suddenly reminds about it with a heavy uncomfortable feeling.

“donghyuck…” mark sounds quite unsure and sheepish, but still doesn’t look away.

donghyuck gives him another warm smile before kissing him shortly once again, and breathes in his lips a timid, but trustful, 

“shall we continue?” 

mark feels like he’s going to fall to pieces, but his lower part is full of energy, and when donghyuck lifts up a bit, mark doesn’t waste time and takes his cock to guide it to donghyuck’s entrance. donghyuck unwraps his arms, instead putting them on mark’s shoulders, and slides on his cock till it's fully inside. his head is tilted, face frowning, and lips bitten, while mark strokes his sides and belly and kisses him.

“you’re so beautiful, donghyuck-a”, he whispers in his mouth.

“yeah?”

“yeah, the most beautiful in the world”, mark assures, satisfied with an embarrassed smile donghyuck gives him. he initiates the kiss this time and cautiously lifts up, pausing, only to push down, gripping on mark’s shoulders, who holds him by the waist nervously because they never tried this position before. donghyuck takes him in to the base, and mark looks wary at donghyuck’s scrunched face, feeling arising desire to kiss this frown away, which he does, landing his mouth on donghyuck's cheeks and forehead, and donghyuck smiles weakly and relaxes with every kiss planted to his face.

donghyuck rises and slides down again, this time faster, but it’s still too slow for mark. he can feel every nerve dragging against donghyuck’s soft and tight inside, and he knows donghyuck also feels his whole length, and it drives him crazy. donghyuck grips his hands on his shoulders more firmly with every move, moaning breathily, and mark squeezes him by the ribs and jolts his hips up. donghyuck whines aloud, and this sound is so dear to mark’s ears, that he wants to record it in his heart to never forget it.

he allows donghyuck control the tempo, and in a few moments the boy speeds up, letting mark know that his body got adjusted to his cock. 

“it feels good, mark, it’s so good when you’re inside me” he whispers, looking straight at mark, and mark feels like falling down into the abyss of his eyes.

“yeah? you like it?” he asks and starts to thrust his hips up faster.

“i like it”, donghyuck breathes out, “i like you”, he adds, smiling and licking his lips seductively.

mark groans and collides his lips with donghyuck’s mouth, although it’s not so comfortable in their position, - but mark doesn't care because the desire to express this tearing feeling inside his chest is so unbearable that he is afraid he’s going to scream. he embraces donghyuck tightly and starts ramming his cock inside him in rough moves. donghyuck wraps his arms around his shoulders, burying his face in the crook of mark’s neck, and whimpers under his breath. 

“like that, mark, _ah_, like that”, he mewls, trying to suppress his wanton noises, and mark bites on donghyuck’s shoulder and hammers into him eagerly. he feels donghyuck’s voice in his ears, donghyuck’s arms around him, donghyuck’s erection rubbing on his abdomen, and donghyuck’s ass tight around his cock, and it’s suddenly too much for him to handle. the tightness starts building up in his lower abdomen, as he fucks into donghyuck hard, panting at the speed, and a second before he sees black stars blowing under his shut eyelids, he feels donghyuck’s ass clenching around him, and the younger moans high and releases hot on their bodies. 

mark cums right after him, filling donghyuck’s insides and groaning at the waves of pleasure, hitting him one after another. they are panting heavily, heads dropped into each other’s shoulders, and donghyuck is the first to give mark a slow lingering kiss. mark brushes donghyuck’s wet hair off his forehead and whispers, 

“...i didn't even touch you there”.

donghyuck makes an irritated noise, and mark chuckles knowing that if donghyuck had enough strength, he would diss him right away.

mark idly reaches for the tissues, and donghyuck lifts up off him silently, letting mark’s spent cock slide out of his hole. mark cleans them both up, carefully wiping the remains of cum off, and when he’s done, donghyuck falls on his back beside him, dragging mark closer, before mark covers them with the blanket. he sees a pleased smile on donghyuck’s lips, and he couldn't be more thankful to the universe for this moment. donghyuck snuggles to his chest, closes his eyes, and mark hugs him with one hand. they both still can’t steady their breaths, but it’s the way it should be.

“do you think hyungs heard us?” donghyuck asks suddenly, but mark can’t hear worry in his voice, only exhaustion. he looks at him but donghyuck’s eyes are closed peacefully.

“i don't know”, mark says. he can't think of vital problems right now. “but if yes, i hope they will understand”, he finishes and kisses donghyuck in the head. donghyuck shifts on his place, adjusting himself comfortably, makes a deep inhale and exhales with a soft moan.

“i feel good with you”, he whispers, barely moving his lips, floating on the verge of sleep, but mark hears it anyway, and his heart misses a beat. he feels like butterflies are in a second away from bursting out of his chest, but he just hugs donghyuck, closes his eyes inhaling the scent of his skin, and drifts into sleepland.

“me too”.

all worries can wait till tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to everybody who read this (*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡


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